I am lonely. How do I make friends?

My problem is simple – I am lonely. I am 45 years old and have only two friends and some acquaintances. I go to work and come home and that’s it! People say join clubs and evening classes but I am not a ‘joiner’.

Am getting a bit desperate.


Deafauntie says:

I am so sorry to hear your story. I don’t have any other information about you but I guess the same principles apply to everyone, so here goes.

The first thing I can say is: well done! Admitting your loneliness is a big step forward and now the rest of your journey needs to be tiny, baby steps. Joining a class puts a lot of people off because it is too big a step and that should come later on. The fact you have a couple of friends and acquaintances is also a good sign, as it shows there is something likeable about you, and you are able to make friends, so let’s start there.

Don’t worry about making new friends – again that comes later. Just get friendlier with the people you already know. Again tiny, baby steps. Say hello to the newsagent when you buy your paper. Smile at the person who does your coffee. Go to the same checkout at the supermarket so you are served by a familiar face.  Do the same at work.

This will help you flex your ‘friendly’ muscles and you’ll get better at it with practice. Carry on with your own interests so that you look happy and busy, as others hate ‘needy people’, and shy away from offering a hand of friendship. Keep a daily diary of your thoughts about how you are progressing – and remember: tiny, baby steps.


4 responses to “I am lonely. How do I make friends?

  1. Hi Jo,

    I wouldn’t worry too much about the number of friends you have. Many people find that they can count the number of ‘true’ friends they have on one hand. I struggle with shyness myself at times, and although I am in my twenties, not a particularly extrovert person. It can be hard for introverts to make friends sometimes, but like deafauntie says, take it slowly and remember that often, people are just as nervous, if not more, when they meet new people. Some people just hide it better!

    Also, if you have a bit of time, you could try setting up a blog, writing about the things that interest you. That is how I got started, and once you start commenting on other people’s blogs, you may find you make good, if not lifelong, friends – from sharing interests and experiences. It is a good way to build up confidence and interact with people, without the worry of ‘first’ real life impressions.

    I hope this helps a little!

  2. Hi Jo

    Someone was talking to me about your problem and they said what really helped them was getting a dog. They take the dog out three times a day at the same time and meet other dog owners so all the dogs begin to recognise each other (as you work – maybe breakfast and teatime?) They also get stopped all the time by people who want to chat. Is this something for you to consider?

  3. Hello Jo

    You are really brave for admitting you are lonely. Like you I don’t have many friends and I find it hard to break into conversations at work, let alone in deaf community. I suffer with social phobia which is a double edged sword as I have lost friends as a result.

    Anyhow I agree with Laraine, small baby steps and yesterday I’d plucked up the courage to go to a dance class on my own last night – not knowing anybody. Like you, I am 45 and I am not a ‘joiner’ but it was fun.

    Like Liz, I set up a facebook page for deaf people last week, to try and make ”virtual friends” about crafts – something that people have in common. Maybe you could try and do the same.

    I note that you say that you work so if you are able, can you decorate your desk with photos or an item and people will come by and say who’s or what’s that, and that will start the ball rolling.

    Did you realise that you are already making friends through deafauntie as you have had three posts already 🙂

    I have two dogs and being a dog owner is a people magnet, anyone wants to pet your dog or talk to you, regardless of whether you are deaf or not.

    Best of luck!

  4. Loneliness is a state of mind. It is possible to be lonely in a roomful of people simply because you are not connecting with them, in some way even if it is a “small talk”. You can also be “lonely” with family members for the same reasons.

    I think the world today as it is misunderstands the concept of what Friends are supposed to be. Like one person above said true friends are rare and special. If you have one or two good friends that is great!….the rest of the world are all strangers with potential to be friends.

    As I said Loneliness is a state of mind. Look at your home life and social life. Are you doing things you enjoy? There are so many wonderful things to do, read books, do some art, paint, draw,or take up any hobby, or sports? Explore and find out some passions that brings out the best in you. With that in mind you will discover other like minded people with the same passions as you!…..

    Dogs, pets are also a wonderful part of your home life, and again can open doors to other people who like the same things.

    I am not saying that you should do it…!! But my neighbour’s passion is NUDE SUNBATHING!!…..Yikes now I wont do that…but thats his passion and he has his own circle of friends for that….But this should help you to understand what I mean by hobbies!! It can be anything and you will be sure that you will find a common interest with others. That is always the best kind of connection to have with another human being.

    So next time you are at home alone. Think and say I am not lonely I like my life and home. What can I do to make my life more complete and interesting? Now pick up that idea and plan your next “hobby”….maybe a holiday treking the mountains in Nepal??? Go for it!….

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s